dmbtravel

We have traveled with another couple several times. This last trip a third couple joined us. Long-time friends, too, but never travel buddies (except one weekend once).

Well, we didn’t like it. The guy has gotten really unhealthy in weight and belly-ached when anything was over a block or two away. He huffed and puffed, makes all kinds of noises (like heavy sighs), repeats EVERYTHING you say because he doesn’t have a whole lot of interesting thoughts on his own, and is focused on his next meal. Not to mention that he doesn’t really treat his wife very well and he is rather crude.

Ugh! Help! How do we go back to just the two couples? He was just a downer.

Money wasn’t an issue as we simply split everything among the three couples. Just didn’t like his company.

Melnq8

Just say no?

dmbtravel

I should have added that we don’t want to hurt feelings or ruin friendship…for wife’s sake

curiousgeo

I would just say while we’re friends our travel styles don’t mesh and leave it at that. I mean I have friends I really like but would never travel with.

Bokhara2

Agree - be honest or you will end up losing the friendship and probably your mind if you let them join you again anyway.

Voice of experience - I caved and let a friend join me on a trip I wanted to do solo to Europe and it was 90% awful. Our friendship only just survived - and that was because I took a side trip mid-way through for a week.

nyse

“Ugh! Help! How do we go back to just the two couples? He was just a downer.”

I would just make your next trip a solo adventure for you and your wife, cutting out both couples.
Thus you’ve broken the chain and lessened their expectations and after that you can resume travel with whomever you prefer

nyse

Plan B:
Quietly plan next trip, without mentioning to bad couple. When they eventually find out, just explain innocently
“Oh, we didn’t think you’d be interested - you didn’t seem to enjoy the last time.”

sassy27

Tough one as Ive been there but it wasn't a couple. Mine was a person. It was getting so bad, mine invited their daughter and SIL and rated everything single thing I planned. They planned nothing and this person I call speedy as runs ahead while not knowing where to go.

I too didn't want to hurt feelings. I backed away for a bit and did not include or invite them and then the pandemic hit. Along with the pandemic, her husband and son died unexpectedly. I felt bad so I booked a trip. Most of the old stuff was still there and you'd think, some lessons would have been learned, her wallet was stolen, and so much dama. I decided, going forward, traveling with her would have to be in a group tour so that's what we've done.

It's worked. I've met some really nice people. My travel friend has other people to bug and annoy. She's learning, we don't always have to do things together. It's not a fix for everyone and still in progress but helps my patience. She now also knows I'm not inviting her on all my trips. That just came out in causal conversation.

I do wish I could give some good advice as I don't think we generally want to hurt people's feelings. Are you sure, you don't want to try another style before cutting them off? I do think causally mentioning expectations may help because why would he go hiking, if he can't keep up? Why does he always have to tag along? Doing his own thing and then meeting for dinner would be ok.

I honestly think you have a few options. Nyse gave some good ones too.

suze

I should have added that we don’t want to hurt feelings or ruin friendship…for wife’s sake

Well that isn't going to happen. You are going to do that if you cut them out. The easiest way probably would be to skip both couples and say you are going only the two of you on your next trip.

I don't travel with people I am not comfortable with. So you just have to decide which is more important to you... not hurting someone's feelings, or having the trip be what you want with who you want along.

It's simple, but I understand not so simple from an emotional perspective.

suze